Why the hell did I let myself get there in the first place?
Sometimes in our life everything just seems to go wrong, or it sure feels that way! It is impossible to see that it can all be a huge blessing in disguise when you are filled with rage, anger, sadness and fear!
That is how last year started for ME!
Lost my house, security, and the final straw that almost broke this camel’s back – my marriage of 23 years was over!
Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would ever be a single mother and I had no idea how I was going to cope. Every day was a struggle to survive. I was filled with so much anger, blamed everyone and everything for my circumstance. Racked with guilt over all the things I ‘thought’ I had done wrong. Stressed to the max over how I was going to keep the household running. Raging fights with my ex as I got blamed for everything. I had to give up the job I enjoyed because I worked at night, and could not leave the girls at home 5 nights a week. Found a new job that I hated, but stuck it out for 7 months because I could work from home, and deep down I needed to ‘hide’ from the world……
I relinquished all my power and let fear rule my life. I read page after page of self help books, I cried, I trolled the internet looking for magical cures that would take the pain away, I cried, I tried all sorts of different energy techniques to release the blocks and I cried a bit more.
Nothing worked overnight, but very slowly time was helping the wounds to heal, and my energy started to feel lighter and more positive. I still have days were worry wins for a while, but I am so the left-brained/logical type that is inevitable. My ex and I are in a good place now, fights are over, without the help of the law we have all our parenting arrangements in place and we can talk without words of war. I now know that this is definately for the best, and I was living an unhappy lie for many years, but never realised.
I needed to be released and reminded that I am amazing, that I get to choose what I focus on, that the past is the past and whilst I am not proud of all the decisions I have made – they were the right ones at the time, I have the power to rebuilt and create, and nothing is going to stop me!
Over the coming weeks I will share some of the books and tools that made a difference (NO, and they will not include booze, drugs or sex!) and helped me dig myself out of the Black Hole. Today I will start with one of my internet finds that made a BIG difference. Every day for 30 days I received an email, all of which were so uplifting, and I really think would benefit everyone even if things are going well at the moment. ENLIGHTENED MESSAGES will arrive daily and is completely free.
It is my time to shine!
Have YOU ever been in the Black Hole?