Being heartbroken is one of those really yukky places we sometimes find ourselves in. It hurts real bad!
I have only truly been there once. When my 23 year marriage collapsed in a huge heap, over the space of only a few weeks, I cannot begin to discribe the pain, anger, fear, loss, and all the other stuff that comes with it. On the surface everyone thought we were the ‘perfect’ couple, but they did not see the true picture. Even I did not see it, until after much reflection, it was glaringly obvious that things were not good in our house.
With two gorgeous teen girls to take care of, I had to find a way out of this deep and dark hole that I found myself in. I did not want to become dependant on a bottle or pills to get me through, I knew that if I dug deep and used some of tools I had learnt as a Natural/Massage Therapist, I could find a way to heal and move forward. It was not going to be easy, but it had to be done.
I want to share some of the things that helped me, and had I used logic and common sense earlier I would have got to my happy place much quicker, but I am a stubborn thing, very left brained and analytical, so had to turn off the calculating, blaming, angry brain and focus on healing myself!
So these are my favourite and very powerful tools that will help your heart to heal:-
FORGIVE – Forgive yourself for every single thing that went wrong, for every bad word you spoke, for every mistake that you think you made. At the time you did what you had to do and was the right choice for that moment. It is the past, it is done, you can’t take it back. STOP being in the space of ‘if only’. If it was the perfect relationship for you, it would not have gone bad. It easier said than done, as your brain just loves rehashing all the old negative junk.
One very effective tool for forgiveness is to use the simple but profound Hoʻoponopono statement. Simply sit and get comfortable and gently recite this phrase over and over – “I am Sorry”, “Please Forgive Me”, “I Love You”, “Thank You”. This has a wonderful clearing effect on built up blame.
CRY – Let the tears flow, don’t try and hold them in. Allow yourself some private time to just let the built up emotions release. Don’t beat yourself up for feeling sad. When I am having one of those ‘loosing’ it days, I ALWAYS feel better when I let it flow, rather than trying to stop it. Acknowlege the hurt and just feel it, without having to label and judge it.
ROSE QUARTZ – The Rose Quartz crystal is the master stone for all matters relating to the heart and your emotions. If you don’t already have a small piece, go and buy one now! Carry it with you in your pocket at all times or tuck it in to your bra, close to your hear. You can also find one that you can wear around your neck. This powerful stone helps open your heart and heal the grief that it is keeping is closed and in pain. It is deeply soothing and helps you appreciate all the beauty around you. A very valuable stone to use at any time of crisis.
FOCUS – Everytime your mind starts re-living the ‘nasty’ parts of your break up, you need to stop, take a few deep breaths and find a more positive things to focus on. Start to think about all the good times you had, the joys of when you first met and all those wonderful feelings you enjoyed, or completely leave that subject alone and focus on anything else in your life that is working out. Admire your home or even a single object that you love, a good book that you have read, a favourite place, a yummy treat, ANYTHING that is positive. The more often you can manage this, the sooner you leave the bad behind and move forward.
ESSENTIAL OILS – Essential oils are straight from natures pharmacy and many oils have the power to improve your feelings and well-being. Some of my favourites for this tough time are Lemongrass (purifying, uplifting, anti-depressant), Jasmine (connects to loving heart energy, uplifting, counteracts feelings of hopelessness, eases anxiety) and Rose (brings balance, harmony, elevates mind, creates a sense of well-being). Only pure essential oils will have the power to help, fragrant oils are synthetic and have no medicinal value. Add a couple of drops to a cotton wool ball and place in your bra close to your heart. For a quick a hit put two drops into the palm of your hand and gently rub your hands together. Shape your hands into a cup and place over your nose and inhale. Adding 6 drops into a bath just before the water reaches the top and enjoy a lovely soak for 20 minutes.
LOVE YOURSELF – You HAVE to love yourself, every lump and bump. You must treat yourself with kindness and patience. You must regularly do things that you really enjoy. You deserve the best, you are perfect just the way you are, you just have to learn to believe that from the bottom of your heart. You have to stop telling yourself that you are faulty, ugly, over-weight, any ‘fault’ that you think you are afflicted with. To truly thrive in a new relationship, you need to bring your wonderful self, that you honour and love, not a big list of negatives. Everyday look into the mirror, look into your eyes, and repeat 10 times ‘I LOVE YOU’. This will probably be hard when you first try this, and you will want to look away, but stick with it, this is a very powerful tool, don’t let the monster in your mind hold you back.
MAGNESIUM – This mineral is often lacking in our diets as it is not as prevelant in our fresh produce as it was in the past. Adding this supplement is a fantastic way to help your body copy with stress. It truly is one of the most effective but natural anti-depressants available.
GIVE THANKS – This is probably one of the hardest ones to get your head around. Trying to find something to be thankful for when you are feeling so low is no easy task. There is a gift and a valuable lesson from every negative thing that happens in our lives. Give thanks for good memories, that you have actually experienced love, that you did have good times, that you have discovered that he is not the perfect partner for you, that you can eat chocolate in bed and no-one will tell you off, that you can actually have the whole bed to yourself, or that the toilet seat will always be down. Give thanks for all the good things that are working in your life, or simply that you are alive, that is the greatest gift of all.
MOVING ON – For some it is tempting to head straight out and find a replacement or for others you just don’t know where to start. BUT, before you do, a valable exercise is to sit down quietly with a pen and paper and start making a list, of all the things you want in your new partner. List everything, in a positive way. Do not use “I don’t want” or “He mustn’t”, or the like. Every quality or feature must be written in the positive tense as if he is already there with you and you are simply admiring the awesomeness. Read through this list regularly putting lot’s of positive emotions as you can muster. This exercise will help you to attract a wonderful new partner, not a rinse and repeat edition, that will possibly cause the same painful ending.
MANTRA – As you move through the healing process a new mantra that you repeat to yourself over and over and over, whenever you can, will help open you to awesome new possiblities. A new mantra will help to boost your self-love, will help you focus on new possibilities, and will help to silence the critic that can reside in your head. You can create your own, that perfectly suits your situation or please enjoy this one, which is on my all time favourites lists and I use all the time – ‘Exactly As I Am Now, I Deserve and Expect All Good’.
If you are a gent reading this post, all of the above tips work for you too!
Wishing you love, healing and health!
How did you heal your broken heart???
Sharing this today for #IBOT with Essentially Jess (who is still trying to recover from #DPCON13)