10 Things You Can Do To Help Mend A Broken Heart!

Being heartbroken is one of those really yukky places we sometimes find ourselves in. It hurts real bad!

I have only truly been there once. When my 23 year marriage collapsed in a huge heap, over the space of only a few weeks, I cannot begin to discribe the pain, anger, fear, loss, and all the other stuff that comes with it. On the surface everyone thought we were the ‘perfect’ couple, but they did not see the true picture. Even I did not see it, until after much reflection, it was glaringly obvious that things were not good in our house.

With two gorgeous teen girls to take care of, I had to find a way out of this deep and dark hole that I found myself in. I did not want to become dependant on a bottle or pills to get me through, I knew that if I dug deep and used some of tools I had learnt as a Natural/Massage Therapist, I could find a way to heal and move forward. It was not going to be easy, but it had to be done.

I want to share some of the things that helped me, and had I used logic and common sense earlier I would have got to my happy place much quicker, but I am a stubborn thing, very left brained and analytical, so had to turn off the calculating, blaming, angry brain and focus on healing myself!

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So these are my favourite and very powerful tools that will help your heart to heal:-

FORGIVE – Forgive yourself for every single thing that went wrong, for every bad word you spoke, for every mistake that you think you made. At the time you did what you had to do and was the right choice for that moment. It is the past, it is done, you can’t take it back. STOP being in the space of ‘if only’. If it was the perfect relationship for you, it would not have gone bad. It easier said than done, as your brain just loves rehashing all the old negative junk.

One very effective tool for forgiveness is to use the simple but profound Hoʻoponopono statement. Simply sit and get comfortable and gently recite this phrase over and over – “I am Sorry”, “Please Forgive Me”, “I Love You”, “Thank You”. This has a wonderful clearing effect on built up blame.

CRY – Let the tears flow, don’t try and hold them in. Allow yourself some private time to just let the built up emotions release. Don’t beat yourself up for feeling sad. When I am having one of those ‘loosing’ it days, I ALWAYS feel better when I let it flow, rather than trying to stop it. Acknowlege the hurt and just feel it, without having to label and judge it.

ROSE QUARTZ – The Rose Quartz crystal is the master stone for all matters relating to the heart and your emotions. If you don’t already have a small piece, go and buy one now! Carry it with you in your pocket at all times or tuck it in to your bra, close to your hear. You can also find one that you can wear around your neck. This powerful stone helps open your heart and heal the grief that it is keeping is closed and in pain. It is deeply soothing and helps you appreciate all the beauty around you. A very valuable stone to use at any time of crisis.

FOCUS – Everytime your mind starts re-living the ‘nasty’ parts of your break up, you need to stop, take a few deep breaths and find a more positive things to focus on. Start to think about all the good times you had, the joys of when you first met and all those wonderful feelings you enjoyed, or completely leave that subject alone and focus on anything else in your life that is working out. Admire your home or even a single object that you love, a good book that you have read, a favourite place, a yummy treat, ANYTHING that is positive. The more often you can manage this, the sooner you leave the bad behind and move forward.

ESSENTIAL OILS –  Essential oils are straight from natures pharmacy and many oils have the power to improve your feelings and well-being. Some of my favourites for this tough time are Lemongrass (purifying, uplifting,  anti-depressant), Jasmine (connects to loving heart energy, uplifting, counteracts feelings of hopelessness, eases anxiety) and Rose (brings balance, harmony, elevates mind, creates a sense of well-being). Only pure essential oils will have the power to help, fragrant oils are synthetic and have no medicinal value. Add a couple of drops to a cotton wool ball and place in your bra close to your heart. For a quick a hit put two drops into the palm of your hand and gently rub your hands together. Shape your hands into a cup and place over your nose and inhale. Adding 6 drops into a bath just before the water reaches the top and enjoy a lovely soak for 20 minutes.

LOVE YOURSELF – You HAVE to love yourself, every lump and bump. You must treat yourself with kindness and patience. You must regularly do things that you really enjoy. You deserve the best, you are perfect just the way you are, you just have to learn to believe that from the bottom of your heart. You have to stop telling yourself that you are faulty, ugly, over-weight, any ‘fault’ that you think you are afflicted with. To truly thrive in a new relationship, you need to bring your wonderful self, that you honour and love, not a big list of negatives. Everyday look into the mirror, look into your eyes, and repeat 10 times ‘I LOVE YOU’. This will probably be hard when you first try this, and you will want to look away, but stick with it, this is a very powerful tool, don’t let the monster in your mind hold you back.

MAGNESIUM – This mineral is often lacking in our diets as it is not as prevelant in our fresh produce as it was in the past. Adding this supplement is a fantastic way to help your body copy with stress. It truly is one of the most effective but natural anti-depressants available.

GIVE THANKS – This is probably one of the hardest ones to get your head around. Trying to find something to be thankful for when you are feeling so low is no easy task. There is a gift and a valuable lesson from every negative thing that happens in our lives. Give thanks for good memories, that you have actually experienced love, that you did have good times, that you have discovered that he is not the perfect partner for you, that you can eat chocolate in bed and no-one will tell you off, that you can actually have the whole bed to yourself, or that the toilet seat will always be down. Give thanks for all the good things that are working in your life, or simply that you are alive, that is the greatest gift of all.

MOVING ON –  For some it is tempting to head straight out and find a replacement or for others you just don’t know where to start. BUT, before you do, a valable exercise is to sit down quietly with a pen and paper and start making a list, of all the things you want in your new partner. List everything, in a positive way. Do not use “I don’t want” or “He mustn’t”, or the like. Every quality or feature must be written in the positive tense as if he is already there with you and you are simply admiring the awesomeness. Read through this list regularly putting lot’s of positive emotions as you can muster. This exercise will help you to attract a wonderful new partner, not a rinse and repeat edition, that will possibly cause the same painful ending.

MANTRA –  As you move through the healing process a new mantra that you repeat to yourself over and over and over, whenever you can, will help open you to awesome new possiblities. A new mantra will help to boost your self-love, will help you focus on new possibilities, and will help to silence the critic that can reside in your head. You can create your own, that perfectly suits your situation or please enjoy this one, which is on my all time favourites lists and I use all the time  – ‘Exactly As I Am Now, I Deserve and Expect All Good’.

If you are a gent reading this post, all of the above tips work for you too!

Wishing you love, healing and health!

How did you heal your broken heart???

Sharing this today for #IBOT with Essentially Jess (who is still trying to recover from #DPCON13)

 

 

Powerful Books For A Life Changing Year!

“Nothing changes unless you do!”

If your life is perfect, skip this post and a huge congratulations to you, you have it rocking!

BUT if your life is far from perfect, or even if just a couple of bits are just not the way you want them to be, then this post is definately for you. There is a wealth of wonderful books out there that can point you in the right direction of creating the life you desire, but I want to share a few of the one’s that have had a powerful positive affect on me.

Two years ago, my life as I new it came to a massive crashing end, and I spent many months living in anger, fear and saddness, I was on the verge of massive depression, but I new that the only way to change this pattern was to change myself and how I viewed everything that was going on around me. Blaming others or events, was not going to help. I had to start rebuilding my life, so I sunk my nose in books. They have been written for a purpose, to help guide us to a better life, if we choose to take what we learn on board and put it into action. I love reading, and I love the feeling of hope that starts to grow in my heart when the words show me a better way.

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THREE OF MY ABSOLUTE FAVOURITES!

The first book is an oldy, but a very goody. I picked up this gem for $1.00 at a school fete and I am so very grateful that I did.

Count Your Blessings: The Healing Power of Gratitude and Love by Dr John F DeMartini, was the stepping stone for helping me move out of the ‘blame’ frame and into a ‘this is a blessing in disguise’, bloody awful disguise, frame of mind. I am amazed at what I have survived, the decisions I have made and proud of how far I have come. This book helps you turn any stressful situation into and inspiring learning experience. Sometimes we have to trust the blackness is the path to daylight! “Through the principles he presents a program which he guarantees will transform the negativity of your fears and problems into positive actions so that you become a stronger, healthier and more balanced person in control of your own destiny“. This books rocks and is an absolute must read for anyone!

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If you are not totally in love with your money situation, then the second book is written by an Australian wonder women who went from $100000 is debt as a single mum trying to raise her two children, to a multi-millionaire, without winning lotto!

How To Be Wildly Wealthy Fast by Sandy Forster holds the key to financial freedom and gave me so many tools to help me stop focusing on the lack of money and start putting my energy into positive money feelings, and I have experienced a profound shift that I will continute to grow with the greatest of pleasure, simply because having money is FUN! “We all know that abundance is not simply about money. Yet money is important in everyone’s life, and this is a wonderful book for anyone who is facing a money challenge, or who simply wishes to create greater financial security. A fabulous mixture of practical ideas and spiritual tools for increasing money flow now“. If you don’t love and respect money, it won’t love and spend time with you!

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The third book is a powerhouse of inspiration and tools to help you heal and move forward. I needed lot’s of that, and determined not to turn to a life of anti-depressants or alcohol. I needed to release the past and move forward – in leaps and bounds.

  Heal Yourself: Using the Scientifically Proven Mind-Body Connection to Manage Chronic Pain, Depression, Cancer and More by Dr Lynne Zimmerman is such an uplifting read, you can feel the joy rise through you, as you discover more and more about how powerful our mind is and we truly have the power to heal. “Science has proven that individuals suffering from pain and disease can, through simple exercises, ‘remap’ the circuitry in their brains to heal conditions such as chronic pain, depression, cancer and more“. All of the exercises are so simple, and after finding EFT so helpful in my journey, this really brought home to me how powerful yet simple this tool is. I had major mental blocks to overcome and I refer to this book again and again.

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We are all amazing creations, and we all deserve to live a life full of joy, wonder and amazement, not lived trapped in the past or with limitations placed on us by others. Make 2013 the year, you take action and make the changes necessary to open to healing and success. No-one or no thing can do this for you. These three books are full of useful and practical tools that ANYONE can use. Some may seem a little ‘woo woo’ to you, but it’s the act of simply trying to make a change, whether you believe or not that these things can work, is taking a step in the right direction.

What is your favourite self-help book, that I can add to my list of must reads?

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* (This post contains affiliate links that allows me to earn a small percentage of the sale price. These books have been recommended because they have been so powerful in helping me.)

2012 – Healing and Happenings!

As the world is meant to end today, NOT, it does feel like a good day to share the year that has been!

Two more shifts at work, and I have some glorious days off, getting to spend some time with my amazing family at the beach, I am so looking forward to wining, dining, and a swim in the surf, bring it on!

2011 was one of the toughest years of my life, and I was so looking forward to it being over, and praying that 2012 would see me move forward and stop living in the pain of the past. In February ’11, I became a single parent, 23 years of marriage OVER! My year was full of pain, anger, and fear. I didn’t think I could survive, but thankfully I was born very tough, and even though I still have lapses of anguish, I have many more hours of calm and peace……healing is definately happening, THANK YOU!

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2012 started with a bang, our January’s usually are like this, no sooner is the festive season over, we laugh in to party mode with my birthday on the 16th and my eldest Miss WW turned sweet 16 on the 27th. A few days later with a Learners Permit in hand, she is learning to drive!

My other daughter had one of her best friends from Korea come and stay with us for two weeks, and I started a new 2nd job, as I have to keep this family afloat, and it has made a huge difference to the financial situtation at WW HQ, so that instead of burying my head in bills sand I was actually able to take control, get things organised, and keep the wolves from the door.

The start of the school year, saw my ‘baby’ take the giant leap into High School. As we only live a few minutes walk away from a big public High School, I enrolled her there, but all the time so concerned that she would get involved with the ‘wrong’ type of kids, or have to face the offer of drugs and goodness knows what else. Fortunately she took to HS like a duck to water, has made the most wonderful new friends who all come from famlies that have very similiar ideals on what is appropriate for girls this age, and to my relief she got through her first year, without a single issue, and brought home lovely report cards, one very happy mum!

Miss 16, is blessed with a wonderful mind and goes to an amazing school for ‘clever’ kids. She works her butt off, but acheives superb results and is heading in to her final year of High School before heading into the big wide world of University to start on her path to becoming a Neuro Surgeon. Very proud of my girls efforts!

As the weather cools, my ‘baby’ became a teenager and had a beautiful ‘Night In Paris’ party with all of her friends. and the world of Physie starts to heat up. Both of my girls are ‘Physie’ girls, a unique Australian culture of precision dance. Our big physie family is awesome, and provides the girls with a great way to keep fit and strong. Miss 13 does it for the fun, but Miss 16 is does it to win! Interclub competitions start the process of competing that culminates in Champion Girl Comp, States and if all goes well, NATIONALS! Miss brains transforms into a real life Barbie

Miss 16 had a great year, and we got to have two trips to Sydney for Nationals qualifying and then she made it into her first Nationals at the Opera House. What an amazing experience for both of us.

Working two jobs doesn’t leave me a lot of spare time, and whilst I have not yet ventured on to the dating floor (yet), I did decide that I needed to expand my social network as all of my wonderful friends are married and even though I still spend time with them enjoying their company, I needed to meet some other people who are in the same boat as me. I discovered with wonderful service called Meetup, a magical on-line invention that lets you start or simply participate in get togethers with people who have similar likes to your own. I have joined coffee groups, dining groups and more. When time allows between work and being executive chauffeur for my girls, I have discovered some wonderful places in Brisbane that I would have never ventured to on my own. Love it!

I did manage quite a few blog posts, got my second e-book  published, and have hatched plans for many more. My aim for 2013 is making more time for me, and my dreams. Lot’s of hard work this year has help to re-build my confidence, I am learning to let go of the past and simply focus on the future and where I want to be. Plenty of miles to still cover, but I am definately getting there!

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Merry Christmas and best wishes for the New Year, to all the wonderful bloggers linking up at With Some Grace today.

I HOPE ALL YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE!!!!!!!


Overcome Overwhelm – One Step At A Time

We all have times in our lives when we just feel completely overwhelmed with a circumstance or complete set of them that all like to show up at the same time. You then throw so much negative energy at the situation, by filling yourself with feelings of fear, stress and panic that will attract more of the same, just what you don’t want!

Now in a perfect world, you would be able to just take a few deep breaths, totally relax and all our problems would just evaporate into thin air. Unfortunately for most of us this is just not a possibility as we focus on worry and what ‘might’ happen if we don’t find an instant answer.

After a very tough year, last year, I am living proof of how we can get so stuck in the negative and how all the effort that went into stressing over the circumstances, completely blocked positive solutions from flowing my way. Time does heal all wounds and thankfully my belief in finding a better way to do things, has let me heal and start to move forward.

It is possible to break free of old frustrating, debilitating situations. The major part of the work is invisible and takes place within you. It all starts by making your next thought a tiny bit happier than the last one. Then another…and another…and another….and accepting the current situation for exactly what it is and breaking it down into tiny steps that you can take to work towards a solution. We all want quick fixes but the magic does start to happen when we focus on taking a small step in the right direction and our energy focus is taking action and finding solutions.

Starting right NOW, look at the big picture of the issue at hand, and find the first tiny step that can lead towards a solution. There is SOMETHING you can do……..

  • Who can you call?
  • Who can you write too?
  • Search the web for information
  • Visit a library or bookstore and let someone else’s wisdom or knowlege guide you
  • Make an appointment with a professional that can help you
  • Who can you forgive instead of blame
  • What old stuff are you hanging on too that really should be thrown out now
  • Create a positive affirmation starting with “I am now experiencing……..” that you can repeat over and over to help stop focusing on the negative
  • Be grateful for what is good, there is always something!

Each day as you undertake a small step in the right direction and congratulate yourself for getting started, your energy is focused on moving forward and then the Universe can match your efforts with more support, opportunities and positive outcomes…….what have you got to lose??